Okay, so time to be a little serious…
My entire pregnancy, I had planned on breastfeeding. Everyone talks about the benefits of breastfeeding, how good the skin-to-skin contact is for baby and mama, the health benefits the baby gets from it, etc. etc…
Getting closer and closer to my due date, I expected by breast to start increasing in size… They didn’t. I wasn’t too worried, I thought it was normal and no one else seems very concerned either – so, no big deal, right?
After my beautiful daughter was born, my body was not producing milk. I barely even produced colostrum (the nutrient rich “pre-milk”). Come to find, I had a hormone imbalance that inhibited my milk production.
I Couldn’t. Feed. My. Own. Baby.
Wow. I felt like a failure and my daughter wasn’t even a week old yet. Don’t get me wrong, the nurses and doctors and my husband all told me the same thing, “it’s not your fault,” “you are not broken,” “you’re still a good mother.”
But, man, did I feel like crap. All of those nice things went in one ear and out the other; I couldn’t absorb any of it.
See, I had this picture in my mind of the kind of mother I was going to be. My entire pregnancy, I had envisioned myself doing everything healthy and the “right way” for my baby girl. So, I tried REALLY hard for two weeks for get my body to produce milk.
I took supplements, I “power pumped” (using a breast pump every half hour to stimulate milk production), I nursed my precious baby every two hours. But still, I was not producing nearly anything at all.
I hated my body. How could it do this to me?
Then I realized, I was still doing what was best for my baby, despite my body not functioning the way I thought it should. I had put SO much love and effort into trying to do what was best for her. I was still able to have the snuggle-time with her by giving her a bottle. And, she’s grown into a very healthy toddler.
I didn’t fail, my body didn’t fail, we just hit a little bump that we had to make it over. Don’t get me wrong, I still feel like I’m failing sometimes (what mom doesn’t?) BUT, don’t linger on that too much. Have a healthy amount of reflection so that you can better yourself and do better for your family, but avoid beating yourself over the head with what could’ve gone better.
Recognize – fix – move on.
Body love tip: Remember, your body has done so much for you. Love it, nourish it, take care of it. I was upset with mine for a while, but I realized how much it really does for me. It gave me this beautiful baby girl.
So, love yourself.
Peace out, homies,
MariahJ
Comments